Stop Loss

The days of youth feel like a place utterly lost and gone forever. Time when we could live a thousand and one adventures in twenty four hours, when we didn’t exactly need words to understand each other, when we weren’t afraid to feel acutely each single instant of our lives. Before Loss, in its many guises, took its toll and made us into who we are now. Dead to ourselves and to the music of the world. How I long to again just be and feel and live free of all fears...

Chemins de l'Aube Up and running again...

I'm just glad to announce that the website of my upcoming book house is up and running again.
This is a new beginning for this big project of mine. And am I just optimistic or do I see success round the corner?

Wait and see and visit us if you will : http://www.cheminsdelaube.be/

HAVOC synopsis

I've been poundering on the outcome of this story and I think that I've reach something here.
Before continuing the process of writing, I will this time outline all the plot first.
So stay tuned for more news...

I miss her

I miss her

The flavour of her tong

The tenderness of her smile

The softness of her skin

Her sweet perfume

I miss her so much

I miss her a lot

And I hurt

She is just miles away

And it seems another realm

How have we become so close?

When did she find the way to my heart?

My best friend

My love

My redemption

My damnation

My love

My everything

How can I fill this void?

How can I still go on?

It hurt

It’s sweet

It’s ecstasy

Entranced, I hope to find her again

Thinking about her is bittersweet

Better yet than remembrance lost

I shall find you again beloved

She shot me down

I'm just so grateful to Sir Hannibal. Thanks to his ever amazing talent, I was inspired to write this short note down. Hope you'll enjoy it. And be sure to pay a little visit to my fellow artist’s page by clicking on the picture...
See you soon folks, I hope to update Noveling Life more regularly from now on ^_^

Shot me once with her eye
Shot me twice with her heart
Shot me trice with her mind
And I didn’t mind the gun

I stood up once with a lie
And after that it just hurt
I realized my soul was bind
Trust me, it wasn’t for the gun

And now that I am sure as hell to die
Looking at her from the cold earth
There’s no regret in neither heart nor mind
She’s just so beautiful with that gun

He did not flinch

He did not flinch
Not by an inch
In his eyes, pride
So much for a ride
He wasn’t great
Not even right
But I cannot hide
Without a lie
That he was grateful
And to himself faithful
He accepted the deed
Not rejecting what he did
And for all my despite
My awe shan’t have respite
Cause facing his doom
In that closed room
He did not flinch
Not by an inch

The price of beauty

The train hums silently, and my spirit still cloudy with sleep, my limbs shivering, I contemplate…
Today, the countryside has put on an immaculate coat. And trees, skeletal giants with manifold blazing arms, stand proudly as departed that are asserting life again. Their solemn immutability under this scintillating white is a quiet anthem, unparalleled, to the quintessential paradox of the world.
The snow-covered landscape is so splendid that it speaks directly to my lonely heart. My tired eyes drink its poetry so that I forget about the corrosive cold which mistreats my bones. It’s the price to be paid for this vision, which is prosaically unique …

Words

I love words…
It is said
There was only that in the beginning
Words dancing, words spinning
Joyful, playful, cute little words
Singing words in the Great One, imagining
I love words…
With them I can convey
Much more than I could say
Genuine are the feelings described
Cause the truth takes time
And I have that with words
I can’t really inadvertently hurt with them
Weighing them carefully
They follow cheerfully
The path of my thoughts
Always in the wake
They know well my heart
Much better than my tongue ever will
Sad words, painful words, whispering words
They sing of my never found lost love
Better than my hands they know Her
From hair to nails
Engraved in them is the sweetness of her voice
The alien heat of her flesh
The stark beauty that emanate from Her
In a shimmering glory
Shining, iridescent words
Yet, sometimes, even they fail Her
Or in truth, I fail to find them for Her
Words everlasting
In a perpetual stream
Like, with no end or beginning, a dream
Outlasting the last universe’s atom
Words interlaced, words entwined
Words weaved in a gigantic and unique tapestry
I can see them sometimes
My eyes filled with awe
Dancing the never-ending story of the Verb
And it is with an aching heart and streaming tears
That I bid them: “farewell ô my gentle friends”

Faraway land

In this faraway land of pain and misfortune
My soul still sing, still to yours attuned
And if the melancholy chimes of sins atoned
The heart cannot forgive, nor forget my lost Fortune

In this faraway land, embodiment of my penance
Embodiment of my restive nightmarish dreams
Embodiment of the loss of a feeling from a torn past
Embodiment of you I shall never again possess
I sigh, murmur and mourn about the Queen of my Realms

In this faraway land where I wandered, exiled
No breeze could lift my heart, no water quench my thirst
And the far, almost forgotten, day when to you I lied
Torment me like a hateful lover that I shall never trust

But this faraway land is my last and only hope
My most low status, my most great stand
Where this pain that feels me utterly can become an ode
To you, beautiful bright haven where again I shall land

I Have No Dream

I have no dream of peace, love or happiness
I have no wish to hold in this utter darkness
I have no time to waste on wanting
I am past fear and past caring
I have no dream
That’s my only regret
I have no realm
That is left to forget
I’m but a shell of what I should be
My answer is to be and somehow not be

Song of the Lost

Immortal lands

In the irrational turmoil, fruit of our innumerable passions, resides sometimes unexpected calmness. Its serene nature comes from the same certainties which defy the understanding of human knowledge. A long time I wandered, my life an insoluble riddle. I sometimes loved, my heart suffering thousand deaths.
However nothing was worse than the moment of total detachment, where the only feeling was utter numbness. At this moment lost in the infinity of time, suspended as the base of any inexistence, I wished with all my heart to know again the immortal lands of love…

Reborn

Has all love vanished from your heart?
Has your conscience been utterly extinguished?
Is betrayal what you ultimately wished?
How can you look at yourself without feeling any hurt?
There are many things I wonder about
And all questions remain unanswered
My beliefs waver now with doubt
While it is red tears that my eyes shed
Nonetheless I just can’t forget
I grieve for your remembrance lost
For the kind man who you once was
God forgive this one who is past regret
Make him remember the gentleness in heart
Let him be reborn to the Elohim

She wasn’t pretty but kind of heart

She wasn’t pretty but kind of heart
Wasn’t interested, neither was I, still it hurts
The moon looming over our heads
We parted, tears threatening to burst

Chapter 01 - Forlorn Fuckin’ Hope - Part 1

My head still throbbing, I woke up from another nightmarish slumber. The night wasn’t dark but in shades of gray. That gave to things an ominous look. The wound on my forearm seemed to be getting worse, infection was eating at it and I had no idea how to stop it in this godforsaken place.

And it was forsaken all right. I came to wonder if I was still alive. This whole world was just wrong, out of place. There were no colors, and everywhere I looked I saw only endless featureless hills.

But the ache in my arm and my head, the thirst in my throat, the hunger in my belly convinced me that I was perhaps not in best of shape but alive nonetheless. That why I started to check on my weapons. The baldric of my sword hung uselessly on my back; my two pistols were loaded and swung on my waist.

I startled to the sound of a crow, a gigantic crow it seemed. What addressed me was a man with a head singularly reminding of a hawk.

― You are a stranger here, aren’t you? he said.

― Who are you? I asked defensively.

I could not quite catch his features then. Nor young nor old, I only had the feeling that he belonged to this place like those hills. Like he himself was this place. It was a strange creepy feeling, in fact. And if I’ve already boasted in this account of my life about my bravery, I am ashamed to confess that then, in front of the man, I was scared to the bones, and knew that the blade in my hand as the pistols to my waist were no match against him.

― You should be scared of me, he replied as if reading my thoughts, or I was just too obvious. But don’t be. I know who you are and why you are here, at least who sent you here to disturb my peace. And I hate him as much as you do if not more… so perhaps I will help you a little.

― Who are you? I repeated dumbly, stubbornly.

― My name doesn’t matter James.

Still Believe

I still believe in love
I need it like fresh water
I crave for it like stark air
What am I to be since you went above ?
Since I’m not who I seemed that day
Hence forth I cry
Hence forth my lie
Has become bitterer each single day
Still believe
Still in love
I’m a man driven by passion
Just you, I need no other reason
Need no other bargain
Cause here and again
Yours I will remain
May your love ease my pain
May it be purifying rain
Help me wash away my fear
Make me remember what I held dear
Make me become bold enough to rise
So I can enter your paradise

Prologue

Havoc

Or the story of an uncompromising Hero

I was happy that afternoon.

That fact alone was a small wonder. I’m all but a happy man. That said it is my custom to enjoy my happiness. Wisdom not so many people abide by.

But I’m not a fool.

Now you wonder why I was happy and wonder still who I really am. For this last you will have to wait. Let’s talk about the first.

“What’s kind of cigarette do you want, Sir?

- Any label would do, madam. I’m not a smoker. But a friend of mine used to tell me: “Havoc, my old friend, there’s no better way to enjoy a moment than with a cigarette between the lips.” In fact he died smoking. So I dare say that he really enjoyed his death!”

That unexpected joke brought laughter to my throat that I did not wish to contain.

The maid scrutinized me with uncomprehending eyes.

Obviously I disturbed her, but there was more. I read in those damp big blue eyes a desire barely suppressed. That’s one of my effects on people when I am happy, to inspire desire, especially on women. It is said that I am charming.

The lingering longing I saw in her gave me the hunger for flesh, for moist breaths and unending embrace. I clutched her hand when she passed me the cigarettes, leaned forward and whispered for her alone to hear: “Follow me”

She did.

I was long to come but no one came to complain. No one dared. And Carnisa just would not let me go. That was how I discovered her untamed nature and was pleased to do so. She actually made the enjoyment of my happiness something all together of another level.

After that, I rested, undisturbed. Quickly enough morbid thoughts returned. My demons are indeed never far.

I had another score to settle and my rage counseled me that it was a matter to be delayed no longer. So I stood up, took my handgun, so of my long blade and departed.

Don’t mind the blade, I know it old fashioned and always in the way. But that’s all about the style. You can expect it to be always convenient.

The wind was brisk almost alive, corrosive with frost. My jerkin was no match to such challenge but I had enough rage to keep me warm and more.

The man had to die. That done, I knew the fury would not be quenched, but it needed to be swayed somehow. So I went on, struggling under the breeze, a shadow amid street lights and skyscrapers.

A wanderer, always a wanderer. Pfah! I’ve got no time for such regrets or for complaints!

My soul restive, I entered the domain of the Enemy. The foul bastard had dogs. Not of those fearful little things which only force is to bark and growl. No, here were those silent lethal beasts, with fangs you would credit long enough to pierce to the heart of everything which roams the surface of the earth.

And I had only my hand and the blade to defend myself. I dared not to use the gun without a silencer. The retrieval of my prey would simply become precarious.

I pulled trough with a promise of a gigantic scar along my right forearm and left seven dark bodies on the floor, with some still groaning in pain.

The alleys continued twisted and unending. I didn’t succeed to come up with the original design map of the manor, so I was a little bit lost. Never to be daunted is another of my custom, so without hesitation I advanced into the darkness.

Late, very late after that, days or millennia past, I could not say, I woke up in the middle of nowhere, my head throbbing and my heart aching with an unbearable sensation of loss and grief. Of my last and greatest enemy no hints at all. So I heaved my fists against the sky and cursed, I intended as my own name suggested to bring havoc on this world if that was the only mean to reach the one who taught me despair!

My heart still possess

My heart still possess so many places to fill
A gigantic citadel with huge open doors
Its rooms high and proud sigh of what they feel
When blows the wind of this sorrowful loss

And this strangest of chime, proof of my solitude
Should not have altered your attitude
Welcomed are your joy, your smiles and tears
Your presence which wash away my fears

I wish these walls to know again those things
Sublime celebration and peals of laughter
Wish that the echoing sea sends us his springs
To relief the house before breaking of rafters

My heart possesses rooms filled with acrid sand
With rusted hinges rumbling over time long past
Your long awaited arrival shall finally demand
The cleansing of sorrow which to long already last

My heart still possess a wondrous shining place
Where dwells love, immaculate to behold
And this treasure, more precious than gold
I fear to lose in Time and vicarious solace